A
TRIP
TO
JAMAICA:
With a True
CHARACTER
OF THE
People and Island.
By the Author of Sot’s Paradise.Sot’s Paradise; or, The Humours of a Derby-Ale House: With a Satyr upon the Ale (1698; 3rd ed. 1700).
THE THIRD EDITION.
London, Printed in the Year, 1698.
TO THE
READER.
THE Condition of an Author is much like that of a Strumpet, both exposing our Reputations to supply our Necessities, till at last we contract such an ill habit, thro’ our Practices, that we are equally troubl’d with an Itch to be alwas Doing; and if the reason be requir’d, Why we betake our selves to so Scandalous a Profession as Whoring or Pamphleteering, the same excusive Answer will serve us both, viz. That the unhappy circumstances of a Narrow Fortune, hath forc’d us to do that for our Subsistance, which we are much asham’d of.
The chiefest and most commendable Tallent, admir’d in either, is the knack of Pleasing; and He or She amongst us that happily arives to a Perfection in that sort of Witchcraft, may in a little time (to their great Honour) enjoy the Pleasure of being Celebrated by all the CoxcombsThe foolishly conceited men who would boast about such sexual encounters. Literally, a coxcomb is the cap of a professional fool, modeled on rooster’s (cock’s) comb; colloquially, as Samuel Johnson defined it in his Dictionary of the English Language (1755), “A fop; a superficial pretender to knowledge or accomplishments.” in the Nation.
The only difference between us is, in this perticular, where in the Jilt has the Advantage, we do our Business First, and stand to the Courtesie of our Benefactors to Reward us after; whilst the other, for her Security, makes her Rider pay for his Journey, before he mounts the Saddle.
ItIt is necessary I should say something in relation to the following Matter: I do not therein present you with a formal Journal of my Voyage, or Geographical Description of the Island of Jamaica, for that has been already done by Persons better Quallifi’d for such a Task.Likely Richard Blome’s A Description of the Island of Jamaica… (1672, etc.). I only Entertain you with what I intend for your Diversion, not Instruction; Digested into such a Stile as might move your Laughter, not merit your Esteem. I quistion not but the Jamaica Coffee-HouseCoffee house in St. Michael's Alley frequented by "people interested in the trade and plantations of the island"; see Bryant Lillywhite, London Coffee Houses: A Reference Book of Coffee Houses of the Seventeenth, Eighteenth and Nineteenth Centuries (London: Allen and Unwin, 1963), 282-83. will be much affronted at my Character of their SweetingSweating. Chaos, and if I was but as well assur’d of Pleasing every body else, as I am of Displeasing those who have an Interest in that Country, I should not question but the Printer would gain his End, which are the wishes of the Author.
A
TRIP
TO
JAMAICA:
IN the times of Adversity when Poverty was held no Shame and Piety no Virtue; When Honesty in a Tradesman’s Conscience, and Money in his Counting-House were as scarce as Health in an Hospital, or Charity in a Clergyman. The Sword being advanc’d, and the Pen silenc’d; Printers being too Poor to pay down Copy-Money, and Authors too Poor to Trust ’em: Fools getting more by hazarding their Carcasses, than Ingenious Men by imploying their Wits;The War of the Grand Alliance (1688-1697) against France required soldiers. which was well enough observ’d by a Gentleman, in these following Lines.
I being influenc’d by my Stars, with an unhappy propensity to the Conversation of those unlucky kind of Fortune-Hunters, till at last, tho’ I had no more Wit to boast of than another Man, yet I shar’d the Fate of those that had; and to bear them Company, stragled so far from the Paths of Profit and Preferment, into a Wilderness of Pleasure and Enjoyment, that I had like to have been stuck fast in a Thicket of Brambles, before I knew where aboutscopytext: were abouts. I was; to clear my self of which, I bustled like a Fox in a Gin,Gin: snare, trap. or a Hare in a Patridge-Net: But before I could free my self from this Entanglement, I had so wounded my Feet, and stuck so many Thorns in my Side, that I halted homewards like a Gouty Puritan to an Election, or a Lame Begger to a Misers Funeral.
These little Afflictions mov’d me to reflect upon my Mis-pent Time; and like a Thief in a Goal,Goal: gaol, jail. or a Whore in a Flux,Flux: any discharge of bodily fluids, here suggesting sexual infection. I Resolv’d for the future to Reform my Life, change my Measures, and push my self upon something that might recover those lost Moments, I had hitherto converted to the use of others, and not my self. I now began to peep into the Business of the World, and chang’d the Company of those who had nothing to do but Spend Money, for the Conversation of such whose practice was to Get it.
But I, thro’ Inadvertency, neglecting to consult Doctor Troter, or some other Infallible Predicting Wisaker,Almanacs were popular and widely consulted. began my Reformation in an unfortunate Minute, when Userers were unbinding their Fetter’d Trunks, and breaking up their Deified Bags and Consecrated Sums, for the security of Religion, and the further establishment of Liberty of Conscience, without which [Liberty] join’d, Conscience to them would be of no use.Staunchly Protestant, City merchants were lending their money to the government to support the war effort (and the Glorious Revolution) against Catholic France. Tradesmen grumbling at the Taxes, Merchants at their Losses, most Men complaining for want of Business, and all Men in Business, for want of Money: Every Man upon ChangeChange: the Royal Exchange, London's commercial centre. looking with as peevish a Countenance, as if he had unluckily stumbled upon his Wife’s Failings, and unhappily become a witness to his own Cuckoldome. These I thought but slender Encouragments to a New Reformist, who had forsaken Liberty for Restraint, Ease for Trouble, Laziness for Industry, Wine for Coffee, and the Pleasures of Witty Conversation, for the Plagues of a Muddy-Brain’d Society, who could talk of
nothing but Prime Cost and Profit, the Good Humour of their Wives, the Wittiness of their Children, and the Unluckiness of their Prentices; and knew no more how Handsomly to Spend their Money, than Honestly to Get it.
The Complaints of these Philodenarians,Philodenarians: “penny-lovers”, from Latin denarius, a Roman coin commemorated in the d of £.s.d (pounds, shillings, and pence); Ward's pamphlet sold for 6d. (sixpence). the Declination of Trade, and the Scarcity of Money,Scarcity of Money: War-time export of bullion and debasement of old coins produced a currency crisis; during the great recoinage of 1696–98, there was an extreme shortage of coins for paying small debts. gave me no more hopes of mending my Condition, by pursuing my intended measures, than a Good Husband has of mending a Bad Wife by winking at her Vices. I now found my self in great danger of a Relaps, to prevent which, after two or three Gallons of Derby-Ale had one day sent my Wits a Woollgathering, and generated as many Maggots in my Brains, as there are CrotchetsCrotchets: the quarter notes in musical notation. in the Head of a Musician, or Fools in the Million Lottery,the Million Lottery: national lottery established, with prizes funded by future duties, to raise money for war-time expenses. I e’en took up a Resolution to Travel, and Court the Blinking Gipsy Fortune in another Country. I then began to Consider what Climate might best suit with my Constitution, and what Part of the World with my Circumstances; and upon mature Deliberation, found a Warm Latitude would best agree with Thin Apparel, and a Money’d Country with a Narrow Fortune; and having often heard such extravagant Encomiums of that Blessed Paradise Iamaica, where Gold is more plentiful than Ice, Silver than Snow, Pearl than Hailstones, I at last determin’d to make a trial of my Stars in that Island, and see whether they had the same Unlucky Influence upon me there, as they had, hitherto, in the Land of my Nativity.
In order to proceed my Voyage, I took a Passage in the good Ship the Andalucia; and about the latterend of January, 1697. upon the dissolution of the hard Frost, I passed, with many others, by the Night Tide, in a Wherry,Wherry: light rowboat for carrying passengers. to Gravesend,Gravesend, on the Thames in Kent, was the main shipping point for London passengers. where our Floating Receptacle lay ready to take in Goods and Passengers; but our Lady Thames being put into a Passion, by the rude Kisses of an Easterly Wind, drew her Smooth Face into so many Wrinckles, that her ill-favour’d Aspect and Murmurings, were to me as Terrible as the Noise of Thieves to a Miser, or Bailiffs to a Bankrupt; and being pent up with my Limbs, in an awkward Posture, lying Heads and Tails, like Essex Calves in a Rumford Waggon,Romford (or Rumford) is a market town in Essex, from which calves were carted to market in London. I was forc’d to endure the Insolence of every Wave, till I was become as Wet as a New Pump’d Kidnapper.New Pump’d Kidnapper: kidnappers captured children for sale as indentured labourers in plantations abroad; the crowd often drenched criminals under a pump.
In this Condition I Embark’d about Two a Clock in the Morning, where the Chief Mait, as Master of the Ceremonies, conducted me to a wellcome Collation of Cheese and Bisket, and presented me with a Magnificent Can of Soveraign Flip,Sovereign: sovereign, excellent; Flip: hot, sweetened mixture of beer and a spirit; popular on shipboard. prepar’d with as much Art as an Appothecary can well shew in the mixing of a Cordial.Cordial: restorative medicine. After this Refreshment, I betook my self to a Cabin, which fitted me so well, it sat as tite as a Jacket to a Dutchman, where I Slep till Morning, as close as a Snaile in a Shell, or a Maggot in an
Appel-Kernel. Then Rising, and after I had survey’d our Wooden Teretories, I began to Contemplate upon things worthy of a serious Consideration, which stir’d up in me that Malignant Spirit of Poetry, with which I am oft times unhappily possess’d: And what my Muse dictated to me, her Emanuensis,Emanuensis: amanuensis, a scribe or secretary. I here present unto the Reader.
A Farewell to ENGLAND.
I.
(That uncontroul’d Necessity Abandon’d from me, and no more appear.
II.
III.
IV.
V.
We to the Worlds Opinion owe, Who does as oft Mis-take the same away.
VI.
’Tis what I Love, yet what I Fly, But what I dare not, must not Name,
Angels Protect the Sacred Frame, Till I to England shall Return, or Die.
Towards the Evening the Captain came on Board, with the rest of our Fellow-Travellours, who, when we were altogether patch’d up as pritty a Society, as a Man under my Circumstances would desire to tumble into: There was Three of the Troublesome Sex, as some call them, (tho’ I never thought ’em so) whose Curteous Affabillity, and ComplaisancyComplaisancy or complaisance is civility, a willingness to dispense with the formalities of address normally required by a difference of rank or (as here) gender. of Temper, admitted of no other Emulation, but to strive who (within the bounds of Modesty) should be most Obliging. One Unfortunate Lady was in pursute of a Stray’d Husband, who, in Jamaica, had Feloniously taken to Wife (for the sake of a Plantation) a Lacker-Fac’dLacker-Fac’d: varnished; i.e., sun-tanned. Creolean,Creolean: A Creole is a West-Indian born person of Old World (European or African) background; the jilted English wife denounces her unseen but presumably suntanned Jamaican rival as foreign (gypsies were thought to have come from Egypt) or racially mixed (mulatto). to
the great dissatisfaction of his Original Spouse, who had often declar’d (thro’ the sweetness of her Disposition) That if he had Marri’d another Handsomer than her self, it would never have vex’d her; but to be Rival’d by a Gipsy, a Tawny Fac’d Moletto Strumpet, a Pumpkin colour’d Whore, no, her Honour would not suffer her to bear with patience so coroding an Indignity. The other Two were a pritty Maid, and a comly Widow; so that in these three, we had every Honourable State of the whole Sex: One in the State of Innocency, another of Fruition, the third of Deprivation; and if we’d had but one in the State of Corruption,One in the State of Corruption: a whore. a Man might have pleas’d himself as well in our Little World, as you Libertines can do in the Great One.
I shall be too tedious if I at large Particularize the whole Company, I shall therefore Hustle them together, as a MorefieldsMoorfields: open area associated with fairs and shows. Sweetener does Luck in a Bag,Luck in a Bag is a game where, for a fee, the participant dips a hand in a bag containing assorted items of different values; the sweetener encouraged passersby to take a chance. and then you may Wink and Choose, for the Devil a Barrel the better Herring amongst us.for the Devil a Barrel the better Herring amongst us: There’s little to choose among us. We had one (as I told you before) Cherubimical Lass, who, I fear, had Lost her Self, two more, of the same Gender, who had lost their Husbands; two Parsons who had lost their Livings;A living is an endowed position in the Church, here a parish to which a clergyman was appointed. The suggestion is that these clergymen are non-jurors, clergy evicted from their posts because they would not swear allegiance to William III and Mary II while the exiled James II was still alive. three Broken Tradesmen, who had lost their Credit; and several, like me that had lost their Wits; a Creolean Captain, a Super annuated Mariner, an Independant Merchant, an Irish Kidnapper, and a Monmothean Sciths-Man,Someone who, like Daniel Defoe, supported the Protestant Duke of Monmouth’s unsuccessful rebellion against the Roman Catholic James II in 1685; some supporters were armed only with scythes. all going with one Design, to patch up their Decay’d Fortunes.
Every thing being in Order for Sailing, the Pilot came on Board, who put on such a Commanding Countenance, that he look’d as Stern as a Sarazins Head; and the Sins of his Youth having crep’t into his Pedestals,the Sins of his Youth having crep’t into his Pedestals: he is lamed by gout, considered a result of riotous living. he Limp’d about the Quarter Deck; like a Cripple in Forma Pauperis upon a Mountebanks Stage,Mountebanks Stage: a cripple acting the poor beggar for a huckster peddling remedies. making as great a Noise in his Tarpaulin Cant,Tarpaulin Cant: nautical jargon (mimicked below). as a Young Counsel in a Bad Cause, or a Butcher at a Bear-Garden.Butcher at a Bear-Garden: butchers were notoriously bloodthirsty and hence drawn to spectacles like bear-baiting. As soon as we had weigh’d Anchor, under the doleful Cry and hard Service of Haul Cat haul, there was nothing heard till we reach’d the Downs, but About Ship my Lads, bring your Fore Tack on Board, haul Fore-Sail haul, Brace about the Main-Yard, and the Devil to do, That I was more Amaz’d than a Mouse at a Throsters Mill,Throsters (throwster’s) Mill: device for “throwing” silk into thread. or the Russian Embassador at a Clap of Thunder.
By the help of Providence, the Pilots Care, and Seamens Industry, we pass’d safe to Deal,Deal: an important harbor near Dover, where the Downs provide an anchorage. where we Anchor’d three or four Days for a fair Wind. In which interim, the Prince of the Air had puff’d up an unwelcome Blast in the Night, which forc’d a Vessel upon the Goodwin.Goodwin: the Goodwin Sands, a treacherous line of shoals at the entrance to the Strait of Dover from the North Sea. The next Morning the Salvages Man’d out a Fleet of their Deal Skimming-dishes,Skimming-dishes: small craft used for salvage (and smuggling). and made such unmerciful work with the poor distressed Bark, that a Gang of Bailiffs with an Execution,Execution: legal order assigning possession of property. or a Kennel of Hounds upon a Dead Horse, could not have appear’d more Ravenous. From thence, with a prosperous Gale, we made the best of our way into the wide Ocean, which Marriners say, is of such Profundity,
that, like a Misers Conscience, or a Womans Concupiscence ’tis never to be Fathom’d.
’Twas in the midst of Winter, and very Cold Weather when we set out; but in a Fortnights time we were got into a comfortable Climat, which yielded us so pleasant a warmth, than a Man might pluck off his Shirt upon Deck, and commit Murther upon his own Flesh and Blood till he was weary, without the danger of an Ague.
I happen’d one Morning to hear two Tar-jacketsTar-jackets or tars are sailors, so called from the tar used, with oakum, to calk wooden ships. in a very high Dispute; I went to them, and ask’d the reason of their Difference. Why Sir, says one, I’ll tell you, there was my Master Whistlebooby, an old BoatswainAn officer who supervised the crew on deck, a boatswain (pronounced bosun) summoned sailors with a whistle; hence Ward's choice of the name Whistlebooby. in one of His Majesties Ships, who was Superhanded, and past his Labour, and the Ambaraltie Divorc’d him from his Ship, and the King allow’d him a Suspension,Suspension: that is, a superannuated sailor has retired on an Admiralty pension. and this Lubberly WhelpLubberly Whelp: impudent land-dweller. here says I talk like a Fool; and sure I have not used the Sea this Thirty Years, but I can Argufie any thing as proper as he can.
The chief Sports we had on Board, to pass away the tedious Hours, were Hob, Spie the Market, Shove the Slipper, Dilly Dally and Back-Gammon; the Latter of which prov’d as serviceable to me, as a Book of Heraldry to a Gentleman Mumper,Gentleman Mumper: genteel beggar. or a Pass to a Penniless Vagabond: For (like the Whore who boasted of her Industry) I us’d to make my Days Labour worth Two Shillings, or Half a Crown,Half a Crown: two and a half shillings (2s 6d). at Two Pence, or a GroatGroat: four pence. a Bout. The most powerful Adversary I engag’d with, was a Parson, who, when the Bell Rung to Prayers, would start up in the middle of a Hit, desire my Patience whilst he step’d into the Great Cabin, and gave his Sinful Congregation a Dram of Evangellical Comfort, and he would wait upon me presently. But that Recreation in which we took a more peculiar delight, was the Harmony we made, by the assistance of the two Heaven-drivers,Heaven-drivers: clergymen. in Lyricking over some Antiquated Sonnets, and for varieties sake, now and then a Psalme, which our Canonical Vice-Whippers Sung with as Penitential a grace, as a Sorrowful Offender in his Last Night-Cap.A Sorrowful Offender in his Last Night-Cap a convicted felon’s last drink before hanging.
To please my self at a Spare-Hour, I had taken with me a Flute, and there being on Board a Spannel Dog, who (Seaman like) had no great kindness for Wind Musick, for when ever he heard me Tooting, he’d be Howling, which, together, made a Noise so surprising, that it frighted away a Quotidien Ague,Quotidian Ague: persistent fever and chills. from a Young Fellow who had been three Weeks under the hands of our Doctor.
One Night, after we had well Moisten’d our Drouthy Carcasses with an Exhilerating Dose of Right Honourable Punch, there arose a Storm, for which I had often wish’d, that I might not be a stranger to any Surprising Accident the Angry Elements, when at Varience, might afford me. The Heavens all round us (in as little time as a Girl might loose her Maidenhead) had put on such a Malignant Aspect,
as if it threaten’d our Destruction; And Æolus gave us such unmerciful Puffs and Whiffs, that I was fearful to stand upon the Quarter Deck, lest, before my time, I should be snatch’d up to Heaven in a Whirle-Wind. From all the Corners of the Skie their darted forth such Beams of Lightning, that I Vow and Protest the Fire-Works in St. Iames’s-Square, were no more to be compar’d to’t, than a Gloworms Arse to a Cotten Candle, which were Instantly succeeded with such Vollys of Thunder, from every side, that you would have thought the Clouds had been Fortifi’d with Whole Canon, and weary of being tost about with every Wind, were Fighting their way into a Calmer Region to enjoy their Rest. Then fell such an excessive Rain, that as we had one Sea under us, we feard another had been tumbling upon our Heads; for my part, I fear’d the very Falling of the Skie, and thought of nothing but Catching of Larks. My Spirits being a little deprest, by the apprehensions of the Danger we were under, I went down into the Gun-room; to consult my Brandy-Cask about taking of a Dram; where one of our Ladies, thro’ want of better Accomodation, was forc’d to be Content with a Cradle, in which she was Praying, with as much Sincerity, for Fair Weather, as a Farmer for a Kind Harvest, or an Old Maid for a Good Husband: And I being greatly pleas’d at her most Importunat Solicitations, have given you a Repetition of one part, viz. And if Thou hast Decreed, that we shall Perish in this Tempest, I most humbly beseech Thee to Punish with Pox, Barrenness, and Dry-Belly-Ach, that Adultrous Strumpet, who, by Robbing me of my Husband, hath been a means of bringing me to this Untimely End; may her whole Life be a continued course of Sin without a moments Repentance, that she may Die without Forgiveness, and be Damn’d without Mercy. In which Interim, a Sea wash’d over our Fore-Castle, run Aft, and came down the Whip-scuttle,Whip-scuttle: the whip is a handle attached to the tiller in small ships; a scuttle is a port hole or other opening. she concluding we were going to the Bottom, Shreek’d out, and fell into a Fit; whilst I, thro my Fear, together with my Modesty, scorn’d to take the Advantage of so fair an Oppertunity.
In a doubtful Condition, between this World and the next, we labour’d till near Morning, about which time the Storm abated; But as soon as Day-light appear’d, and the Serenity of the Weather had turn’d our Frightful Apprehensions into a little Alacrity, some of the Men, from Aloft, espi’d a Sail bearing after us with all Expedition; and being no great distance from the Coast of Sally,Coast of Sally: Salé, in Morocco. Capture into Moroccan slavery was a real danger; Daniel Defoe’s protagonist is captured at sea and enslaved at Salé in Robinson Crusoe (1719). a jealousie arose amongst our Officers, of her being a Man of War belonging to that Country, they having, upon the Conclusion of the late Peace with France, Proclaim’d a War with England; so that we thought our selves now in as great Danger of being knock’d on the Head, or made Slaves, as we were before of being Drown’d. This Alarum kindled up amongst us new fears of approaching Danger, more Terrible than the former we had so happily surviv’d.
Command was given by our Captain, to prepare for a Fight; down Chests; up Hammocks, bring the small Arms upon the Quarter
Deck,dropped word supplied from catch-word of the previous page. and every Man directed to his Post, by orders fix’d upon the Mizzen-mast in the Steerage; the Bulkhead and Cabins nock’d down, the Deck clear’d Fore and Aft, for every Man to have free access to his Business. When all things were in readiness to receive an Enemy, I took a walk on purpose to look about me, and was so animated with the Seamens Activity and Industry, together with the smell of Sweat, Match, and Gun-powder, that like ’Squire Witherington in Chivie Chase,A popular ballad praised by Sir Philip Sidney in The Defence of Poesy and Joseph Addison in Spectator Nos. 70 & 74, Chevy Chase relates a bloody battle between the Scots under the Earl of Douglas and the English under Henry Percy, Earl of Northumberland. See also Samuel Butler, Hudibras I.iii.94–96. I could have Fought upon my Stumps. By this time our suppos’d Enemy was almost come up with us, under English Colours, but his keeping close upon our Quarter, and not bearing off, gave us still reasons to mistrust him; but seeing him a small Ship, and ours a Vessel of 400 Tuns, 28 Guns, and about 50 Men, we Furl’d our Main-Sail with all our Hands at once, as a strategem to seem well Man’d; put our Top-Sailes aback, and lay by, to let ’em see we were no more Affraid than Hurt. We had on Board an Irish-man going over a Servant, who I suppose was Kidnap’d; I observ’d this Fellow, being quarter’d at a Gun, look’d as pale as a Pickpocket new taken: I ask’d him why he put on such a Cowardly look; and told him ’twas a shame for a Man to shew so much Fear in his Countenance. Indeed Sir (said he) I cannot halp et, I love the bate of a Drum, the Pop of a Pistol, or the BounchBounch (bounce): an interjection “Imitating the sound of a gun” (OED); bang. of a Mushket wall enough, but, by my Shoul, the Roaring of a Great Gun always makesh me start. I ask’d him whose Servant he was. By my Fait, said he, I cannot tell; I wash upon Change looking for a good Mashter, and a braveBrave: finely dressed Gentleman came to me and ask’d me who I wash; and I told him I wash myn nown shelf, and he gave me some good Wine and good Ale, and brought me on Board, and I have not sheen him sinch. By this time our Adversary was come within hearing, and upon our Hailing of him, prov’d a little Ship bound to Guinea, which put an end to our Fears, and made us fly to the Punch-Bowl with as much Joy as the Mob to a Bonfire upon a States Holyday.
After we had chas’d away the remembrance of our past Dangers, with a reviving draught of our Infallable Elixir, we began to be Merry as so many Beggars (and indeed were before as Poor) beginning to turn that into Redicule, which so lately had chang’d our Jollitry into Fear and Sadness. When we had thus refresh’d our Bodies, and strengthen’d our Spirits, by passing round a Health to our Noble Selves, &c. ’twas thought high time by our Reverend Pastors, to return Thanks for our great Deliverance from the hands of our Enemies, tho’ we had none near us, which was accordingly perform’d with all the Solemnity a parcel of Merry Juvenal WagsMerry Juvenal Wags: satirical wits; from Juvenal, the classical Roman satirist. could compose themselves to observe
By this time we were got into so warm a Latitude, that (God be thanked) a Louse would not live in it. We now began to thin our Dress, and, had not Decency forbid it, could have gladly gone Naked, as our first Parents. Kissing here grew out of Fashion; there’s no joyning of Lips, but your Noses would drop Sweat in your Mouths. The Sea, and other Elements, began now to entertain us with Curiossities in Nature worth observing, as Crampos, Sharks, Porpus, Flying-Fish, Albacores, Bonettas, Dolphin, Bottlenoses, Turtle, Blubber, Stingrays, Sea-Adders, and the Devil and all of Monsters without Names, and some without Shape. As for Birds, Noddys, Boobies, Shearwaters, Shags, Pitternells, Men of War, Tropick Birds, Pellicans, &c. I shall not undertake here to describe these Creatures, because some of them are so Frightfully Ugly, that if any Friends Wife with Child should long for the Reading of my Book, it should chance to make her Miscarry. But that which I thought most worthy of Observation, were the Clouds, whose various Forms, and beauteous Colours, were Inimitable by the Pencil of the greatest Artist in the Univers, Cities, Palaces, Groves, Fields, and Gardens; Monuments, Castles, Armies, Bulls, Bears, and Dragons, &c. as if the Air above us had been Frozen into a Looking-Glass, and shew’d us by Reflection, all the Rarities in Nature.
By this time we had gain’d the Tropick,the tropic of Cancer, roughly 23.5 degrees north latitude. and come into a Trade-Wind; the greatist of our fears being now a Calm, which is fine weather to please fearful Tempers; but it brings us more in danger of being Starv’d, than a Storm does of being Drown’d: Tho’ it was our Fortune in a few Days after, to make the Leward-Islands, and put us
past the dread of so terrible a Catastrophe, those we pas’d in sight of were, Descado, a rare place for a Bird-catcher to be Governour of, Birds being the only Creatures by which ’tis Inhabited; Mountserat, Antego, Mevis, possess’d by the English; St. Christophers, by half English half French; Rodunda, an uninhabitable high Rock.Montserrat, Antigua, and Nevis in the Leeward Islands were colonized by the English in the seventeenth century; Rodunda is SW of Antigua. Divided with France, St. Kitts (St. Christophers) was ceded to Britain in 1713. From amongst these Caribbe Islands, in a few days, we got to Hispaniola, without any thing remarkable; and from thence, in 24 Hours, with a fresh Gail, within sight of Jamaica, which (without Malice or Partiallity) I shall proceed to give you some Account of.
A Charactor of JAMAICA.
THE Dunghill of the Universe, the Refuse of the whole Creation, the Clippings of the Elements, a shapeless pile of Rubbish confus’ly jumbl’d into an Emblem of the Chaos, neglected by Omnipotence when he form’d the World into its admirable Order. The Nursery of Heavens Judgments, where the Malignant Seeds of all Pestilence were first gather’d and scatter’d thro’ the Regions of the Earth, to Punnish Mankind for their Offences. The Place where Pandora fill’d her Box,In some versions of the ancient Greek myth, the box Pandora opened from curiosity released evils into the world (rather than allowing good things to escape). where Vulcan Forg’d Ioves Thunder-bolts, and that Phaeton, by his rash misguidance of the Sun, scorch’d into a Cinder.In classical mythology, Phaeton was the mortal son of the sun god Apollo; when he tried to drive the chariot of the sun, he could not control the horses and therefore burned parts of the earth. The Receptacle of Vagabonds, the Sanctuary of Bankrupts, and a Close-stoolClose-stool: a chamber pot enclosed in a stool or box. for the Purges of our Prisons. As Sickly as an Hospital, as Dangerous as the Plague, as Hot as Hell, and as Wicked as the Devil. Subject to Turnadoes, Hurricans, and Earthquakes, as if the Island, like the People, were troubled with the Dry Belly-Ach.
Of their Provisions.
THE chiefest of their Provisions is Sea Turtle, or Toad in a shell, Stew’d in its own Gravy; its Lean is as White as a Green-sickness Girl, its Fat of a Calves-turd Colour; and is excellently good to put a stranger into a Flux, and purge out part of those in Humours it infallibly creates. The Belly is call’d Callipee, the Back Callipach; and is serv’d up to the Table in its own Shell, instead of a Platter. They have Cuanas,Cuanas: iguanas. Hickeries, and Crabs; the first being an Amphibeous Serpent, shap’d like a Lizard, but black and larger, the second a Land-Tortoise, the last needs no Discription, but are as numerous as Frogs in England, and Borrough in the Ground like Rabbets, so that the whole Island may be justly call’d, A Crab-Warren. They are Fattest near the Pallasadoes, where they will make a Skelliton of a Corps in as little time as a Tanner will Flea a Colt, or a Hound after Hunting devour a Shoulder of Mutton. They have Beef without Fat, Lean Mutton without Gravy, and Fowles as dry as the Udder of an Old Woman, and as tough as a Stake from the Haunches of a Superanuated Car-Horse.
Milk is so plenty you may buy it for Fifteen Pence a Quart; but Cream so very scarce, that a Firkin of Butter, of their own making, would be so costly a Jewel, that the Richest Man in the Island would be unable to purchase it. They value themselves greatly upon the sweetness of their Pork, which is indeed lushious, but as flabby as the Flesh of one just risen from a Flux, and ought to be forbid in all hot Countries (as amongst the Iews) for the prevention of Leprosie, Scurvy, and other Distempers, of which it is a great occasion.
There is very little Veal, and that Lean; for in England you may Nurse four Children much cheaper than you can one Calf in Iamaica. They have course Teal, almost as big as English Ducks; and Moscovy Ducks as big as Geese; But as for their Geese, they may be all Swans, for I never sawSaw: see in copytext. one in the Island.
There are sundry sorts of Fish, under Indian Names, without Scales, and of a Serpentine Complection; they Eate as dry as a Shad, and much stronger than stale Herrings or Old Ling; with Oyl’d Butter to the Sause as rank as Goose-grease, improv’d with the palatable Relish of a stinking Anchove.
They make a rare Soop they call Pepper-pot; its an excellent Breakfast for a Salamander,Salamanders supposedly lived in fire; hence the comparison with the carnival fire-eater below. or a good preparative for a Mountebanks Agent, who Eats Fire one day, that he may get better Victuals the next. Three Spoonfuls so Inflam’d my Mouth, that had I devour’d a Peck of Horse-Radish, and Drank after it a Gallon of Brandy and Gunpouder, (Dives like) I could not have been more importunate for a Drop of Water to coole my Tongue.A rich man damned to parch in hell, Dives begs for water in Luke 16.24.
They greatly abound in a Beautiful Fruit, call’d, a Cussue, not unlike an Apple, but longer; its soft and very Juicy, but so great an Acid, and of a Nature so Restringent, that by Eating of one, it drew up my Mouth like a Hens Fundament, and made my Palate as Rough, and Tongue as Sore as if I had been Gargling it with Alum-WaterAlum-Water: alum was an astringent used in many medicines.: From whence I conjecture, they are a much fitter Fruit to recover Lost Maidenbeads, properly apply’d, than to be Eaten. Of Water-Mellons and Mus-Mellons they have plenty; the former is of as cold a quality as a Coucumer, and will dissolve in your Mouth like Ice in a hot Frying-pan, being as Pleasant to the Eater (and, I believe, as Wholsom) as a Cup of Rock-Waterspring water to a Man in a Hectick Feavour: The latter are larg and lushious, but much too watery to be good.
Coco-Nuts, and Physick-Nuts are in great esteem amongst the Inhabitants; the former they reckon Meat, Drink, and Cloth, but the Eatable part is secur’d within so strong a Magazeen, that it requires a lusty Carpenter, well Arm’d with Ax and Handsaw, to hew a passage to the Kernel, and when he has done, it will not recompence his Labour. The latter is big as a Filbert, but (like a Beautiful Woman well Drest, and Infectious) if you venture to Tast, is of ill consequence: Their Shell is Black, and Iapan’d by Nature, exceeding Art; the Kernel White, and extream Pleasant to the Palat, but of so powerful an Operation, that by taking two, my Guts were Swep as clean, as ever Tom-T---d-man made a Vault,Vault: privy or any of the Black FraternityBlack Fraternity: chimney sweeps a Chimney.
They have Oranges, Lemons, Limes, and several other Fruits, as Sharp and Crabbed as themselves, not given them as a Blessing, but a Curse; for Eating so many sower things, Generates a Corroding Slime in the Bowels, and is one great occasion of that Fatal and Intolerable Distemper, The Dry Belly-Ach; which in a Fortnight, or Three Weeks, takes away the use of their Limbs, that they are forc’d to be led about by Negro’s. A Man under this Misery, may be said to be the Scutchion of the Island, the Complection of the Patient being the Field, bearing Or, Charg’d with all the Emblems of Destruction, proper; supported by Two Devils, Sable;English folklore associated blackness with the devil; for a contemporary black man's response to the popular association, see David Dabydeen, Hogarth's Blacks: Images of Blacks in Eighteenth Century English Art (1985; Manchester University Press, 1987), 21. and Death the Crest, Argent.Ward uses heraldic terms to describe a dysentery sufferer led by slaves as Jamaica's coat of arms or escutcheon: Field (background colour); proper (in its natural colours); or (gold); sable (black); argent (silver). Many other Fruits there are, that are neither worth Eating, Naming, or Describing: Some that are never Tasted but in a Drouth, and others in a Famin.
Of Port Royal.By the late seventeenth century, Port Royal the largest English town in the Americas after Boston; it was notoriously the haunt of buccaneers.
IT is an Island distinct from the Main of Iamaica, tho’ before the Earthquake,Earthquake: In 1692, a great earthquake devastated Port Royal, leading to the founding of Kingston (eventually the capital). Much written about, the quake was often interpreted as divine punishment of wickedness. it joyn’d by a Neck of Land to the Palisados,Palisadoes tombolo, today the site of Kingston's Norman Manley International Airport. but was seperated by the violence of an Inundation (thro’ God’s Mercy) to prevent the Wickedness of their Metropolis defusing it self, by Communication, over all the Parts of the Country, and so call that Judgment upon the Whole, which fell more perticularly upon the Sinfulest part.
From a Spaceous fine Built Town (according to Report) it is now reduc’d, by the encroachments of the Sea, to a little above a quarter of a Mile in Length, and about half so much the Breadth, having so few remains left of its former splendour, I could think no otherwise, but that every Travellour who had given its Description, made large use of his License. The Houses are low, little, and irregular; and if I compare the Best of their Streets in Port Royal, to the Fag-End of Kentstreet, where the Broom-menBroom-men: street sweepers live, I do them more than Justice.
About Ten a Clock in the Morning, their NostillsNostills: nostrils. are saluted with a Land-Breeze, which Blowing o’er the Island, searches the Bowels of the Mountains (being always crack’d and full of vents, by reason of excessive Heat) bringing along with it such Sulphorous Vapours, that I have fear’d the whole Island would have burst out into a Flaming Ætna,Ætna: Mt. Etna, an active volcano in Sicily. or have stiffled us with Suffocating Fumes, like that of melted Minerals and Brimstone.
In the Afternoon, about Four a Clock, they might have the refreshment of a Sea-Breeze, but suffering the Negros to carry all their Nastiness to Windward of the Town, that the Nauseous Efluvias which arise from their stinking Dunghills, are blown in upon them thus what they might enjoy is a Blessing, they Ingratefully pervert by their own own ill Management.
They have a Church ’tis true, but built rather like a Market-House; and when the Flock are in their Pens, and the Pastor Exalted to over-look his Sheep, I took a Survey round me, and saw more variety of Scare-Crows than ever was seen at the Feast of Ugly-Faces.
Every thing is very Dear, and an Ingenious or an Honest Man may meet with this Encouragement, To spend a Hundred Pounds before he shall get a Penny. Medera-Wine and Bottle-Beer are Fifteen Pence the Bottle; nasty Clarrat, half a Crown; Rennish, Five Shillings; and their best Canary, Ten Bits,Bits: portions (usually ⅛) of the old Spanish or Mexican dollar that circulated as currency in the West Indies and North America; hence “two bits” as modern slang for a quarter of a dollar. or Six and Three Pence.These drinks are, respectively, claret (red wine, originally from Bordeaux); Rhensh (Rhine wine); and Canary (sweet white wine from the Canary Islands). They have this Pleasure in Drinking, That what they put into their Bellies, they may soon stroak out of their Fingers Ends; for instead of ExoneratingExonerating: excreting. they Fart, and Sweat instead of Pissing.
Of the PEOPLE.
THE generality of the Men look as if they had just nock’d off their Fetters, and by an unexpected Providence, escap’d the danger of a near Misfortune, the dread of which, hath imprinted that in their Looks, which they can no more alter than an Etheopian can his Colour.
They are all Colonels, Majors, Captains, Lieutenants, and Ensigns, the two last being held in such disdain, that they are look’d upon as a Bungling Diver amongst a Gang of Expert Pick-pockets; Pride being their Greatness, and Impudence their Virtue.
They regard nothing but Money, and value not how they get it, there being no other Felicity to be enjoy’d but purely Riches. They are very Civil to Strangers who bring over considerable Effects; and will try a great many ways to Kill him farely, for the lucre of his Cargo: And many have been made Rich by such Windfalls.
A Broken Apothecary will make there a Topping Physician; a Barbers Prentice, a good Surgeon; a Bailiffs Follower, a passable Lawyer, and an English Knave, a very Honest Fellow.
They have so great a veneration for Religion, That Bibles and Common Prayer Books are as good a Commodity amongst them, as Muffs and Warming-pans.
A little Reputation among the Women, goes a great way; and if their Actions be answerable to their Looks, they may vie Wickedness with the Devil: An Impudent Air, being the only Charms of their Countenance, and a Lewd Carriage, the Studi’d Grace of their Deportment. They are such who have been Scandalous in England to the utmost degre, either Transported by the State, or led by their Vicious Inclinations, where they may be Wicked without Shame, and Whore on without Punishment.A notorious imposter who exploited lovers financially in the guise of a German princess, Mary Carleton perhaps consolidated Jamaica's popular association with unrepentant whores when she was transported there in 1671. "At first I wondred there to see so many of my acquaintance," claims one pamphlet about her, News from Jamaica in a letter from Port Royal written by the Germane princess to her fellow collegiates and friends in New-Gate (London: Peter Lillycrap for Philip Brigs, 1671), 3.
They are Stigmatiz’d with Nick-Names, which they bear, not with Patience only, but with Pride, as Unconscionable Nan, Salt-Beef Peg, Buttock-de-Clink Jenny,Clink: a Southwark prison in the liberty of the bishop of Winchester. &c. Swearing, Drinking and Obscene Talk are the principal Qualifications that render them acceptable to Male Conversation, and she that wants a perfection in these admirable acquirments, shall be as much Redicul’d for her Modesty, as a Plain-dealing Man amongst a Gang of Knaves, for his Honesty.
In short, Virtue is so Despis’d, and all sorts of Vice Encourag’d, by both Sexes, that the Town of Port Royal is the very Sodom of the Universe.